#069

Day 19.

Day 19. Reta, 4mg. 3:47am. Heart rate 178. BP 180/130. Sitting upright in bed because lying down felt like drowning. Did not wake my wife. Could not explain what I had been injecting. Drove myself. Told the ER it was pharmacy tirz. They ran $11,400 of workup. Found nothing. Discharged at 7am with a referral to cardiology. Threw out $2,800 of reta that afternoon. Eight months later: the palpitations come back maybe twice a week. Cardiology calls it anxiety. It is not anxiety. My wife still thinks it was a panic attack. I will let her keep thinking that.

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6 months on reta, down 60 lbs, about 25% of my bodyweight. I look better than I have in my adult life and people keep telling me how happy I must be. here's what nobody puts in the before/afters: it didn't just kill my appetite, it killed my drive. the same thing that quiets the food noise quiets everything. I used to attack my mornings. now I have to schedule motivation like it's a meeting. lost the weight, lost the fire that used to come free with being hungry. nobody warned me they were wired to the same switch.

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Unemployed and getting low on savings but so eager to buy more peps. Currently on KLOW,Reta, cjc/ipa. Just want more thinking about a payment plan and buying tons. Love em gotttta catch em all 😂

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Reta makes me feel like im a monk, complete zen.

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